I am 33 years young and I went through a divorce 15 months ago.
*I like the young-approach more than the usual X-years old. It’s lively and fun.*
It was an unusually cold winter in Barcelona. Even more at home right after the painful moment crashed dramatically into the world during the night. It was tough and the memories of those exact moments will stick with me forever. But as tough as it was, it was also an event that would put me in a path I wouldn’t have imagined back then.
The greatest path of my life. (Wait, what?)
Don’t get me wrong. It was a difficult and painful path for both of us. But this decision that I sensed and embraced put me in the best path I’ve encountered. The path in which I would finally find myself, the real me. The one which I suddenly understood had been there forever, hiding in a corner, unsure and confused about coming out. Unsure of what the right path really was.
Until you arrive and see this moment straight into the eyes. Quite a scary one. It weirdly felt like a completely unknown but recognisable stranger.
The moment when you just know. Painfully or not.
I’ve been happy in my life, but today’s happiness is a different kind. Not because I’m single or because I’m living a reality I used to secretly and unconsciously dream secretly about. The real reason of this shinny happiness is one:
I finally came to see, realise and understand who the real ME was.
And I can firmly say that there is no biggest pleasure and relief in life than when you get to feel this:
Your purpose, your path, yourself.
I bet every single soul out there who has found out this at some point in life can relate and agree with these words.
I’ve learned countless lessons through experiences of all kinds, like we all have. But I had never met the real Mariana, or learned about the real world, the people, about relationships or about talking (the real kind of talk) like I have done after my divorce.
This is the first time I publicly mention this event as well. Simply because it was a personal process, inside and out. A process that takes time in order to nourish and heal your soul properly, slowly, delicately, fiercely. The healthiest process I’ve gone through indeed.
A process of deep self-knowledge, observation and analysis.
Yes, countless things learned and this is just the beginning.
I am and will be forever grateful for what happened during my married years, wonderful years full of knowledge, love, understanding, patience, caring and more.
And I am also grateful for being where I am now. For everything it took inside me to get to this point, knowingly or not. What’s true about this all is that there’s one and only best compass in life, and that is:
Scary or not, every single decision made must be determined by instinct: this abstract and intangible feeling that comes from deep inside. It’s hard to tell if it makes you feel warm or cold, comfortable or scared, happy or sad. You just know that whatever it feels like, it simply feels like the one thing to do.
And when that feeling pops out, to me, that’s the right path to take.
Someone once told me this:
You don’t take decisions. Instead, you feel them. That’s how life works.
And I truly believe in these words. I learned this. And it works for me.
To me, it was a divorce. The event that made me wake up and clearly see my own self.
To you it might be or might have been a different kind of life event.
What I know for sure is that we need a grand slap in the face at some point which will bring the entire vision of our lives.
It will bring truth.
Some will have a hard time looking through it and recognising this. Some will struggle, some will find it easy to digest, some will shine right away. Each person’s experience is truly unique. And every single one is a story, a valuable one, one that is a life-changer. And they all deserve to be told.
I just shared mine.
If you feel like sharing your story or a life-changing experience of yours, please feel entirely free to do so in the comments. I’d be happy to read it and talk about it. Because talking will make us free and complete.
Because we all need to talk about what really matters.
*For more deep meaningful life talk, take a look at The Smart Health Project by clicking on the image below.