I enjoy silence.
The silence of my flat, of my world, of my mind.
I have come to enjoy the sole presence of my own self, different than ever before. I have come to the understanding of feeling my body’s feelings. I have come to understand this flow of sensations that our body is constantly and smoothly waving.
It’s all something I never thought about a few years back.
And now I just crave it. My time alone, my me-time. My silence.
I recently saw this by Project Happiness, which I believe is true after learning and recognising it on my own skin. Since I liked it, I felt like sharing it here.
All of this that I am sharing came to me through several months of thinking, feeling and after a process in which I turned the look to my inside completely, finding out amazing things and a whole new world. One that felt the most real and the most true ever.
It Wasn’t an Easy Path.
During this journey, I encountered several red flags with varied lessons written on them. I found myself in many different situations, big and small, tough and tougher, but also nice ones. Situations in which I had to encounter one person, the same one every single time. Truth to be said, the first time was frightening and overwhelming like nothing I had experienced before: it happened when I walked into a tiny restaurant in Madrid, recommended by a food-expert and good friend of mine, so I could enjoy lunch that afternoon. I walked in. The waiter said hello, I replied. He kindly asked: “Are you having lunch?” – “Yes” – “By yourself?” – And then it hit me…
That person that overwhelmed me at that particular moment…was ME.
It was they very first time I went on having lunch (or any kind of food) with myself. And I had never realised this before. I might have never done it before. It wasn’t in my memory album at least.
As simple and obvious as it may sound, it was one of the toughest – and true – moments I’ve gone through in this year’s path. Right after my divorce a couple weeks back before that (before christmas), and right after I took the most difficult decision up to that moment in my life.
“How brave you are!” – many people said to me. I wasn’t sure what they meant. I couldn’t understand braveness back then. But I think I might be getting it now. And it’s related to happiness.
A Year of an Inner Journey Began.
I wanted it, this journey, mostly after that painful event at the restaurant took place. I found myself sobbing at a little park around the corner just afterwards, wishing I’d find someone to talk to on my phone or elsewhere…but there was no one. I sobbed while sitting on a bench at a park in Madrid on a crisp and sunny winter afternoon. On my own. And then I learned.
The best journey I’ve gone through, I reckon. As tough as it was before and during my divorce, the after was quite smooth compared to everything else in my life before that.
I found myself.
I found my voice.
I found my calling.
And it felt the truest and best thing ever.
Ever since, I not only enjoy silence but I LOVE silence. I love my time alone and I need it on constant basis in order to feel good, light and at peace. I was even able to reinforce this desire after travelling a bit around Thailand and Cambodia for the first time as well. It was lovingly reaffirming and special for many reasons, both in my inner journey and throughout my Asian journey. There’s something different about life’s philosophy out there. It gets into your skin. Or at least it got into mine. I will certainly go back.
It’s a daily thing, this search for silence and peace. For the inner voice, the soul’s voice. Even when some days are not as easy going as others; it’s the way life is. But more than the thought of difficult vs. easy days, it’s about something else: it’s about attitude.
Because in between all that rush, inside and out, we need to find time for silence. For ignoring everything and everyone around us for a few minutes, the world can handle it. And we need to go into ourselves more often in order to handle life nicely.
This applies to everyone as well: men and women, children, adults and elderly too, to one’s self or towards others.
Communication is an art, a never-ending one. So are relationships. And relationships begin with ONE. Inside.
To me, it was a divorce as the life event (along with travel as my main fuel), that opened my eyes entirely and made me realise how important and basic it is to get to know yourself and listen to your voice. To feel good and proud about your whole being. To feel satisfied and complete on your own in the first place. Nothing will ever work properly with others to begin with if you are not clear on who you are, what you want and don’t want from life. Whether you haven’t experienced it or maybe you got slightly lost on the way which is normal to happen; until this point, we’ll probably all be struggling and bumping into different things. It’s not wrong, it’s just lessons before the time arrives. You’ll recognise it right away.
Those times when you feel the most right about yourself are the times when you don’t ask for opinions. Instead, you do what you are listening/feeling inside. This was my best learned lesson during this last year of inner awareness indeed.
If only people could get to know themselves better and talk more about what really matters…don’t you think? I do.
What has been a major life event that made you feel something different about your own?